The Melbourne jury gathered around the BBC coverage over a few bottles of King Valley's finest merlot and far, too much, delicious French food to pass verdict on what we agreed was the most even contest we'd seen in many years. Much like this year's F1, out of six jury members we each predicted a different winner (and yes, one of us backed Sweden).
We have been doing this for a number of years and it is fair to say that our jury votes have never differed as greatly from the official result as they did for Baku.
We must pay respect to the shout-out: "...our viewers in New Zealand and Australia, we've never been closer to you" That was lovely and true, but kind of highlighted the fact that Eurovision was being held in Central Asia.
So, first the formalities: "It was a great show, and the show was fantastic, and shit it is nearly 3am, and don't look now Nargiz but I think one of your political prisoners is getting away!"
And now here are the EDU jury votes:
1 point - Germany (10th). ESC result 8th
Strangely, more popular with the female jury members.
2 points - United Kingdom (9th). ESC result 25th
We're as mad as Hell and we'll probably get over it shortly. A damned insult to a legend of the music industry. Respect your elders Europe! EDU hearts The Hump.
3 points - Romania (8th). ESC result 12th
We can't seem to recall not liking a Romanian entry. Some of us liked the moonwalking bagpiper, some of us liked the lead singer... a lot.
4 points - Iceland (7th). ESC result 20th
A few of thought this was middle of the field and the rest of us thought it was brilliant. So what's with finishing 20th? Did all the Scandinavian love go to Loreen? The performance in the Final was slightly less than what they gave in the Semi, but this deserved far higher than what it got. For the love of God, Jedward finished higher than them.
5 points - Ireland (6th). ESC result 19th
They were 8th last year and this song was diminishing returns, so we knew we were being kind giving them 7th place. But they're mental and so much fun. For example, in a BBC3 interview with them in Semi 2 John's response when asked if they'd consider performing with The Hump was: "I'm John, he's Engelbert and he's Edward, and together we are Jedgelbert!" Best gag of the contest. 19th place is pretty nasty. Perhaps people didn't realise it was Jedward without the high-hair!?! Yes, Edward, we're blaming you.
6 points - Malta (5th). ESC result 21st
Would we have loved Malta as much without the Mod inspired shoe dance? No. Obviously not. A great dance, soon to be replicated by the youngest jury member if he ever scores another goal at soccer. Another ridiculous result from reality, but not the last insult to sense this year, as we will soon see.
7 points - Italy (4th). ESC result 9th
Cyprus, France and then Italy. It was like the third slice of cake on the night. Possibly we'd all had too much thrown at us to be able to concentrate on Nina. Or maybe she didn't rub enough bottoms before she went on. For whatever reason, this brilliant song did not 'pop' on the night. A Top Ten finish may keep Italy happy, but Nina deserved higher - esp. when one of us had money her winning.
8 points - Cyprus (3rd). ESC result 16th
OK, maybe the guys had drunk a little too much when we voted for this. But Ivi was 'awesome.' Presence, vocal ability, good choreography, energy and, um, costuming that was to be admired.
10 points - Sweden (2nd). ESC result 1st
See, we were watching the same show as everyone else.
The only song in the Top Seven to make our Top Ten list (that is some amazing disconnect, there). Loreen has reinvented the Euro-act. Her choreography was so precise that a live performance took on the quality of a music video. Everyone else looked like amateurs before a professional : or Toyah Wilcox before Kate Bush.
For all the awful wailing, dull Zeljkos and obvious bloc-voting that ruins the night; when a Moroccan singing in English wins it for Sweden you know Europe will be alright. When she meets with protesters and still goes on to win, you know Good Ole Europe is alive.
and our douze pointe goes to...
12 points - Moldova (1st). ESC result 11th
We were talking about it when we saw it at rehearsals, we were singing it after Semi 1 and we were making Dr Horrible jokes about the trumpet being his penis before the show. Costumes were great, the act was fun and the song is a true earworm. So close to a Top Ten finish, which would have meant one jury member breaking even on his bets... you could feel the tension in the Grun Rom during the final votes.
Years from now (well, in a few weeks) all we will remember of Baku was that Sweden won with a ripper of a song and that Baku put in a huge effort to look not like a tinpot dictatorship between Syria and Iran.
And so, Eurovision returns to 'Western Europe' for the third time in four years. So much for the Slavic dominance of the show. Stockholm is calling. One of the world's most beautiful cities hosting an event the locals are nuts about. Only 363 days til Kitschmas 2013!!
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